a_k_a_runner_up

why it's so damn hard to cope with feelings even if you know that you can't be with her.....
it's really strange when your infatuation can't leave you even after you told yourself to stop....
in this situation you begin to understand that's it's true when someone says that you can't struggle with feelings whenever you have them, whatever the circumstances are...
and a day comes when you are not able to go on with this weird fight against yourself.....
you can't resist the growing feeling which is not going to disappear.....
and then you begin to act..... weirdly....desperately.....
and all what is left is a wound, a wound without blood and sharp pain..... a wound somewhere inside of you.....
and for a long-long time you are not able to come out from this abyss of misery....
and what is the most disappointing in it is the uncertainty..... how long will it take to desintoxicate from this.... so to say "desinfatuate"......
you begin to wonder.....
and all this shit will end only after you get the next painful infatuation ....
painful because of you, fucking loser, you, who can't overcome the fear of failure....
despite the fact that you know: you'll fail if you don't try....
 

Recently I've been thinking about what language of my posts to choose....
But right now I don't really now it, that's why I'll try to do this in English..... just not to forget this language in its written form.
Recent activities in university are mostly of oral type.... so, its one of the reasons for my current choice of language.
By the way, I'm sure that eventually I'll get into writing in Russian.... when the topic of the post will be to damn hard for me to express in English.

I hope that my presence in this worldwide social site won't bring any harm =)